The world is going to Hell in a handbasket. We watch violence on the news, and we want to protect ourselves and our families from those who intend to harm us. So what are we going to do? We’re going to make a Goddamned sword from our Olympia Tools 9lb anvil. And not some whimpy sword like Frodo’s, but a big old German Zweihänder named Lucy. Going to the bank? Take Lucy. Watching a movie? Bring Lucy along. Sleep with Lucy in your bed. Nobody is going to mess with you and Lucy.